I’ve been home for about a week, and it’s kind of shocking how quickly I jumped back into my over-scheduled, keep-it-pushing, look-to-the-future routine. Almost like I didn’t spend a month in Vermont with no obligations but the pursuit of creativity. I’m endlessly grateful for the opportunities given, the friends made, and the time spent. But answering “how was Vermont?!” from excited friends is a lot more complicated than I anticipated. It’s not easy to sum up four weeks of one’s life.
I wrote most of this letter at my residency, and the bottom section of it back home. I’m not sure if it signifies a shift in my newsletter’s trajectory or just a more personal detour. Beautiful pics of Vermont in September at the bottom of the post. Hope you enjoy!
Dear Auzin,
You didn’t pack enough pants. Thankfully, the other writer is a similar size in clothes, and you can swap outfits like sisters. She’s very kind, brilliant, and generous, and you’ll get along fantastically. You’ll learn a lot from her.
When the thunderstorm comes in the second week, close all the windows of the tiny home as soon as it starts to rain.
Don’t worry about not being able to see your physical therapist. Your PT and yoga needs will be met and exceeded beyond your wildest dreams. You will feel truly spoiled.
Job-hunting right now is futile and will waste precious brain energy. Try to put it out of your mind until you get back home. Your job is to write. Just for one month, you get to act like an artist from an era when artists were actually appreciated. Just enjoy it.
Trust yourself and what your body and mind need. It’s okay to sleep and read a lot. Go for a long walk every day; it’s very beautiful here. None of the animals will hurt you.
Don’t worry, you will write, and you will produce a lot of new work. However, it won’t be the endless stream-of-consciousness writing extravaganza you hoped for. That’s okay! The residency will still be life-changing, eye-opening, mind-expanding etc. Try to stay off your phone, although it will be hard. Practice 360-degree breathing. Don’t push yourself to use any specific medium — the pen is as good as the keyboard, and you don’t have to fill up your journals, although it’s a good goal to aim for. You’ll be glad you brought your watercolors.
Stay open. Embrace stillness and rest and boredom. When the rough mental health patches come, know they will also pass. Ease the pressure you put on yourself by sitting in the treehouse, or in the hammock chair, or on your sun-drenched bed with wind flowing in through the screen.
This month will go by faster than you can believe. Suddenly it’ll be halfway over, then only a week left, then you’ll be flying home to Ethan. Try to be present for as many moments as you can.
One thought that finally crystallized for me in the last few days of the residency is that while I love the dream of endless amounts of free, unstructured time, I can’t actually deal with it in reality. I ended up structuring my time in ways that didn’t support my writing to the fullest, and I think I could do better re: creating daily structure at my next residency.
I was initially very disappointed in myself for not producing as much work as I wanted to, but I’m trying to reframe this as a learning experience — it was my first residency ever, after all. And what I gained there reaches far beyond how many words I put on paper. Life is about more than that.
Love,
Auzin