Your job is just to keep creating
How to continue making art when it feels pointless.
You’re reading Soft Hobbies, a weekly check-in for imperfect artists with perfectionist tendencies. I’m Auzin, a Seattle-based writer in the fiction, poetry, and tech writing spheres. To see more of my work, go here. And if you hit the heart at the bottom or the top of this post, it will help others discover my writing and also make me super happy :)
Hi softies,
I made the above meme for those of us who struggle with starting and/or finishing projects. Always remember that your creativity belongs to you. It wants to be your partner and your guide through all the snarls of life and on the tangled road to living with authenticity in a life that you chose. Your creativity is not your antagonist; this is as much a reminder to me as it is to you.
Every few months I go crying to my boyfriend, who is a successful professional artist (his field is music), about how I feel like all my creative efforts are pointless because they don’t garner me the kind of recognition that I think I need to receive so I can keep creating. I feel discarded, overlooked, unappreciated by the world at large. I bemoan the fact(?) that my art can’t keep me alive or satisfied for any serious length of time. I lament that I didn’t start taking writing seriously earlier in my life.
Ethan is very good at consoling me, and he reminds me that my only job is to keep writing and creating, regardless of what the outcome is. I can’t control the outcome or the impact of my work, and trying to control it only generates suffering for me. He tells me that I make good and worthwhile things, which is always helpful to hear. In case you didn’t know, writers are exponentially more starved for praise than creatives in other fields. At least I think so :)
So, I made this list of reasons to keep going even when I feel like it’s pointless. I hope it helps you, and if you have a similar list, I’d love to know about it.
What are my reasons to create, other than external validation?
To express myself as fully, freely, and clearly as I can, without restriction or censure
To show all the younger selves I contain within me that I am an artist and a writer
To connect with art as an innate part of me
To keep speaking with a unique voice (this is innate because there is nobody else with my specific experiences, passions, and talents)
To express and embody that artmaking is every human’s birthright
To connect with/become part of the worlds, characters, and stories that resonate with me
To make honest, human work in a society that supports neither
If I remember these reasons and keep them at the forefront of my artmaking, the following will matter less to me:
How much of my art sells and for what price
If I’m able to publish a piece of writing
My follower/subscriber count and engagement metrics
What other people think of my work
If I am “making a difference”
I think the items in the first list are all pretty good reasons! And none of them rely on other people or outside influences to make them happen. They don’t involve likes or subscribers (which I can’t control), and they don’t restrict the type or amount of creation that I do. This list can be a beacon for me in times when I feel my art is underappreciated and therefore I am not appreciated or valuable — and I feel that way a lot of the time. Hanging onto these reasons for creating will help keep me going, even when nobody is looking at what I do.
Let’s see what I got up to this week!
3 things I’m reading:
The manga version of Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind by Hayao Miyazaki (1982-1994). Nausicaa is my favorite Miyazaki film, and I recently got the big beautiful boxset of the manga, which started before the movie came out and continued to be published for another 10 years afterwards. I was surprised that the entirety of the movie is encompassed in the first 100 pages or so of the manga. And it just keeps going! Many of Miyazaki’s thematic inclinations are visible in this work: flying machines, humanity’s impact on nature, complex young female protagonists with a huge weight on their shoulders, the horrors of war, and cute little fantasy creatures. I would recommend it for diehard fans of his work (his illustrations and watercolors are stunning), but probably nobody else. It’s a very talky manga with confusing political intrigue plot points and far too many battle scenes. Very happy to own this, though!
Re-reading Tomie by Junji Ito, probably his most famous work. It’s a fun time — not the scariest or most disturbing of his stuff that I’ve read, but still has heaps to offer to fans of body horror. Ito’s work is so funny because he seems to think “what’s the most fucked up image I could draw?” and then writes the story around that idea, instead of coming up with a plot first. Some of his illustrations will stay with me for the rest of my life, they’re that intense.
About to start re-reading The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle, after watching the movie again and wanting to stay in that world! It’s such a special story. I also just learned that Peter S. Beagle is still an active novelist, now in his 80s :’)
3 things I’m writing:
I’m vending at a local art walk this week and had to write an artist statement. Here it is: Auzin is a writer from the Pacific Northwest. With over two dozen individual publications since 2020, she has also published two chapbooks, and was nominated for a Pushcart Best of the Net Prize in 2022. She also writes a weekly Substack newsletter about the creative life. Auzin's visual art combines her unique viewpoint with the media, fandoms, and hobbies that inspire her. She loves to see her work make people smile and/or raise their eyebrows in real life.
Wrote a song fragment — I have a file with lyrics in it that I’ll probably never show to anyone, but I like having them :)
Updated my personal goals list for the rest of the year. I can’t believe we’re halfway through already!
3 soft hobbies:
My extremely cool and talented friends are making a cozy videogame called Punk Juice, where you play as the newest member of a punk band in Seattle. It combines minigames, decorating, character customization, and romance elements for a completely unique game with an adorable art style and very funny dialogue. I was able to play the demo last weekend and loved it! You can wishlist the game on Steam here.
Painted minis yesterday with Ethan! This is a hobby we’ve been doing off and on for about two years. The one I’m working on currently is kind of a Greek warrior type, so I’m painting him in a lot of bronzes and leather brown tones. I was also inspired by a description I’ve read of Achilles’ second set of armor, which was made by Hephaestus and had a sun-gold shield and helmet with sunset colors.
My boyfriend released an album recently! I interviewed him, 73-questions-with-Vogue style, and I think it’s a cute video :) watch below if interested and don’t forget to listen to The War by Toy Bastard!
Your turn! What are you reading and writing right now? What are your personal reasons to create? Let me know, and thanks for your time.
Softly yours,
Auzin
It's so important to have personal creative growth goals that you can prioritize over professional creative goals. Really identified with this post!
you worded this feeling perfectly, I have had it for months now and couldn't really get to the bottom of it. It reminded me that I am in it for the long run, to live happily and satisfy my creativity, not to fulfil some expectations that I put on myself :)