6 ways to rest when you feel guilty for resting

Secure your oxygen mask before assisting others.

Apr 09, 2025

You’re reading Soft Hobbies, a weekly newsletter for creatives in all mediums, with a special focus on writers. I’m Auzin, a Seattle-based writer in the fiction, poetry, and tech spheres. Feel free to visit my author website or check out my socials.

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Hi softies,

Thanks for all your support on last week’s post. I appreciate you so much!

Everyone I know is working hard as hell right now. If you tend to feel guilty when you’re not actively creating, earning, or doing, you’re not alone. I’m the exact same way. If you know your guilt isn’t serving you, this week’s post will help us both out.

It’s okay, normal, and human to feel guilt. Your feelings are probably a remnant of a time when you had less agency over your life and choices. I hope you’re in a better place now, where you can take the time to rest. You deserve it!

Please note: I am not a health professional of any kind; I’m just writing from personal and shared experience. I have attention issues, but not ADHD or any similar diagnoses, so my advice might not be best if you are more neurodivergent. Try this Substack (one of many newsletters geared towards neurodivergent creatives) instead.

Let’s get into it!

1. Reframe resting as productive.

This should be used as a last resort, if you can’t bring yourself to do any of the following techniques. Is this reframe a capitulation to capitalism? A bit, yes. You don’t need a justification for slowing down or taking some me time. But getting some rest that you’ve reframed as “actually productive” is better than getting no rest at all.

You need sleep for your brain and body to function at optimal levels, and your nighttime sleep should be as long, deep, and uninterrupted as possible. But if you can’t quite make it to 9 hours every night (honestly, who can???), and you crave a 20-minute nap before you continue on with your day, that’s also really good for you and please do it.

If you truly can’t make yourself slow down, remember you can’t pour from an empty cup. True rest, not just immobilized doomscrolling, is genuinely replenishing and will help you approach life and your tasks with more energy and a fresher/more positive outlook.

You can read more about reframing as a therapeutic technique here and here.

Some examples: “I’m so lazy” becomes “my body knows that it’s time to rest” or “I need to slow down for a while so I can come back stronger.”

“I’m not even doing anything right now” becomes “I’m taking it easy today, and I’ll get back to doing things tomorrow.”

2. Interrogate your guilt.

Negative or challenging emotions have a way of building up if you ignore them or push them away. But they can be processed and moved through, like any other emotion. If you have a pattern of guilt that interferes with your relaxation time (which all humans need), try exploring why you have that guilt and where it comes from.

You weren’t born feeling guilty — experience made you that way. You could journal about it using the prompts below. This will be difficult, but have a reward for yourself handy and try to write in a more neutral, observational way if you are having a hard time.

You can even write in 3rd person (“she feels this,” “this happened to them”) to get some distance if that feels safer. And don’t show it to anyone — this exploration is just for you! No one else needs to know about it unless you truly want to share with them. You don’t need to perform for anyone on these pages.

How does it feel in my body to say “I need to rest”?
What kind of thoughts come to the surface when I am trying to rest or relax?
What does guilt feel like in my body?
What is my guilt trying to protect me from? Is it shame, embarrassment, perceived danger, or something else?
What activities (or lack thereof) trigger my guilt the strongest?
How did those closest to me model rest and relaxation when I was growing up? How did they speak about it?
What kinds of inherited stories around rest vs. work do I have?
Why do I feel unworthy of resting?
How can I soothe or quiet my guilt while I get some much-needed rest?
What are my favorite ways to rest & relax? Why are they my favorites?
List 3 reasons why you deserve to rest.

3. Put resting in your calendar.

Make a plan and schedule a block for 100% guilt-free resting time. If it’s in your calendar, you won’t feel guilty for spending “too much time” reading romance novels or feel that your rest has snuck up on you. Plus, it’s nice to look forward to something!

Think of R&R time as your reward for working as hard as you do. Even two hours a week will make a difference and help you break the guilt habit by consistently showing up for yourself. Put your phone away and get in bed. The world will wait for two hours while you build a Lego set.

4. Make it a playdate.

Consider resting in collaboration with a loved one! Guilt and shame love to keep you isolated. A resting buddy can help dispel those feelings — you’ll probably be a lot easier on them than you are on yourself, and you can support each other through any weird feelings that come up. But I bet your guilt will fly away as soon as it sees you building joyful community and friendship. So sweet!

For example, I have a very fraught relationship with playing videogames. I love sinking multiple hours into a game I’m obsessed with, but also have a tendency to feel tight guilt in my stomach whenever I choose to play games instead of reading, writing, or other hobbies that I consider healthier or more productive.

Recently, I started a new campaign in Baldur’s Gate 3 that I only play with a new friend of mine. Whenever we have time to get together, we’ll play for 3ish hours, laughing and strategizing and sharing ideas/experiences on the couch. I feel rested and happy afterwards, and I know I’ve grown closer with my friend in that time. Nothing to feel guilty about there! It’s probably the coziest gaming experience I have regularly, other than playing retro games with my boyfriend :)

5. Check the blockers in your home.

Do your loved ones guilt-trip you for chilling out after work or roll their eyes at your yoga practice? If they won’t change their behavior after you have an open conversation with them, pack a backpack and head out for a few hours. Nap at an understanding friend’s house, or at a sunny public park on a picnic blanket.1 Read at the library or at a coffeeshop. Walk through the forest or meditate in a secondhand bookstore. Do your crafts in someone’s basement.2 And maybe make plans to move out? You deserve a supportive home environment.

Your blocker may not even be a person! Maybe that load of laundry is hanging over your head, making it impossible to let go of your responsibilities. Or your apartment might be too small to craft properly. In these cases, finding a trusted third space or creating a cozy nook are nice options.

Like I said in my “hobbies for creative perfectionists” post, this advice is probably less helpful if you have dependents that live with you, like children or grandparents. I recommend seeking out newsletters/blogs/creators who focus on helping caregivers with burnout and making time for themselves. I don’t have kids and can’t even own pets right now, so I have massive respect for people who live with multiple needy beings and still manage to be prolific artists. I would love to know your secrets! <3

6. Breathwork, meditation, and setting intentions.

I’ll be the first to say that I’m not an expert on this. But getting more oxygen to your brain is always helpful, and five minutes of breathing and/or meditation before you start your relaxing activity is a great way to arrive with a cleaner slate and set the intention for your me time.

Write down or speak your intention to yourself. It can be as simple as “I’m going to read my book for 30 minutes. I am choosing to do this thing. There is no need for guilt. I will sit here and read my book now.”

As always, take what resonates for you and leave behind the rest. If this was helpful, leave a comment and tell me your favorite way to rest and/or relax! I’m so curious to know <3